by BRVR » Wed Nov 20, 2019 11:49 pm
So i suck at stuff like this and i've had this as a draft for a while now.
About 3 months ago I got a job and i was so happy that for a while I was normal and the forums were still good to me. I dunno when this started but i noticed it about a year ago that i'll just blank out and do stuff without realizing it. At first I thought I was nodding off but i have a suspicion i'm doing things while blanked out. I hate going to doctors or therapists and hate talking about my problems even more. The main problem and reason i'm posting this is that I have a fear of losing things though and am already strssed out enough about my health combined with work and school. I'm scared that one day i'll log on and see even more of you guys leave everday until eventually I'll log on and you guys aren't there to talk with me anymore. You guys helped me get through my biggest problems and showed me things that truly made me happy. Only a few people outside of the Forum Games know me but that's where I started. I fell in love with it and for the first 2 years this was what i looked forward to. Behind the Masks was so cool and foriegn to me that i became obsessed with it. When i finally worked up the courage to send in the pitch i was nervous and scared. Then i saw people actually liked my games. Ever since then i had found out somethings i'm great at in real life: Hosting party games (Mainly Mafia and a quick modified Behind the Masks mini-game), Story Writing, and Story Telling. My BtM games werent perfect but hosting them made me so happy. The happiness soon dwindled down before turning to sadness as i finally accepted that the forum games was slowly dying. I had an entire notebook's worth maybe even more of ideas, twists, mechanics, and even stories that will sadly probably never be seen by others. I really don't want to leave this community. I just can't stay though. I'm too scared of losing you guys slowly never knowing what happened to anybody. Worse though finding out you guys had something terrible happen in real life. To me you guys were invincible and i thought i could stay with you guys forever. Now there's only a handful left. I keep logging on and hoping that maybe, just maybe, that everybody came back including new people. It's also just been a lot harder to be active with only a xbox and terrible internet
I'm not leaving right away. I'll finish the ganes i'm in and maybe even finish my final BtM game if another is hosted. I'll attempt to finish the game i'm hosting as well.
I don't want to say i'm logging off forever or i'll' just be saddened more. I want to come back. I just need to focus on my problems head on instead of using you guys as a way of ignoring them. I'll probably stalk you guys every once in a while, but only for minutes maybe seconds at a time
If you have xbox i'll still be active there. My gamertag is TheValuedPeach. I'll try to keep in contact with people on discord, but i don't have access.
Tl;DR
After the games i'm in and hosting my activity and posting will be few and far between for an undefined but long time due to mental health concerns. If i do become more active or join a game don't count on it for long. If I just stop coming on all together? You should assume i'll stay gone for a while.
THE GREAT KIJAH IS BACK AND IS HERE TO STAY!
I AM OPEN TO MAKING NEW FRIENDS TO FILL THE VOID IN MY HEART OF SADNESS!