FM Fanfiction Masterthread

[Alzar]

It's about time we made one, let's be real. Feel free to add/suggest new ones, and please do write your own. ;)

The List
Format: Title (description) - Writer

Forum Mafia STORY (very long, actually based on FM) - Rickdaily12
SFM15 Masterpost (descriptions in post kek) - Alzar
SFM15 Invenio/Arc(?) - Alzar
CFM14 (truegent/leyva meme) - Alzar
Shortcut's Private Stash (NSFW) - Various authors
Shortcut's Private Stash part 2 (NSFW) - Cyantic, Shortcut

More to be added. (hopefully)

[Varanus]

More to be added. (hopefully)

"""""hopefully"""""

[ryanyb]

Oh god.

[VonAntarctic]

This thread will be our undoing at some point.

[Rickdaily12]

This needs a fucking sticky.

[Alzar]

i'll write u a sticky fanfic ;)
Spoiler: "Agh, the heck dang diddle darn frickle frack ding dong is this?" Rick was drowning in a vat of glue, in the same way a horse would be tortured. He was sinking down to the bottom, just very, very slowly.

"I'll be darn tooting rip roaring jived after seeing this gosh darn damning..."

Rick's head disappeared below the surface of the glue.

[parkerparkour]

thanks alzar, youre the light of my life

[ObiWan]

I'll add it to the Hub. But you guys gotta write more!

[Alzar]

t-thank you, obi-senpai

next up: 593 words of obiwan slowly swallowing dozens of burritos whole like a snake

[Invenio]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I CANT ESCAPE

[Arcthurus]

next up: 593 words of obiwan slowly swallowing dozens of burritos whole like a snake

Replace every "ObiWan" with "ObiJuan" and I'll get behind this.
Oh and give him a sombrero.

[ObiWan]

Spoiler:

[Alzar]

its exactly 593 words
Spoiler: ObiWan poked the burrito, pressing down with two fingers. It let out the smallest puff of steam, and was pleasantly soft to the touch. He inhaled through his nostrils, breathing deeply in the burrito-fumes. It seemed ready to eat, which was good. He was getting hungry right around now, after a long day of moderating.

It wasn’t too hot, wasn’t too cold. Just the perfect blend of sour cream, rice, beans, and crushed Devil’s Shoestring. Exactly the way he liked it.

He smiled, behind the cover of his full-body sombrero. Dinner time.

Reaching out with one hand that was gnarled by the stress of being the FM Lead Moderator and all that the position entailed, he grabbed it off its plate, leaving deep gouges in the ceramic from his claw-like FM Moderator hands and nails. He lifted up the protective cover of his sombrero, just enough to unveil the slightest sliver of his pulsating body, he opened his mouth as if to yawn. The hinges and bones of his face slid apart like well-greased knucklebone dice, and his gaping maw stretched open even wider, until Obi felt like he could slip the burrito down in a single, efficient gulp.

This is exactly what he did, obviously.

The burrito slipped down into his esophagus in a fluid, unending motion. He didn’t let his teeth even graze it, just let it slide down his throat and let it sit in the first of his many stomachs. ObiWan let the full-body sombrero drop back down, so as to not let the light hurt his FM slime coat, and sat back for a moment.

Next FM thing. Maybe another bastard game, throw in a Serial Killer in the same game as a Bomber with a hidden uninformed doublevote and also add in a Doctor with-

His third stomach rumbled. Empty.

That was no good. He couldn’t just mod bastard games on an empty stomach, that was just unthinkable. It- it would almost be as bad of an idea as making a game where 5 people controlled the lynch and had no ability to communicate with the town!

ObiWan shook his head, the sombrero turning with it. That was a horrible thought indeed, he thought as he plodded back towards the kitchen, already thinking of ideas for his next burrito. Yarrow and unused millstones, maybe.

He stopped in his tracks. The kitchen was filled with burritos, when it hadn’t been before. Even stranger, they were all his favourites- raw silica, muskrat, thyroid glands. Obi could feel his mouth watering already. SFM16 could wait for this, just this, and he lifted his sombrero to stretch out his mouth and suck half a dozen burritos down his gullet and into his waiting digestive fluids. He picked one up as he swallowed the last of it down. The burrito was warm and soft, just like the one from earlier.

Obi gulped that one down as well.

The burritos were already churning into dust in his stomach. He picked up another one, this one soggy and squirming and squealing with something that almost sounded like a voice.

Wellwater, yew, and granite. He looked on appraisingly, licking his lips and smearing them in his toxic saliva, and slid the burrito into his mouth, letting it squirm all the way down.

Maybe… maybe Obi could stay here forever, and just do nothing but eat burritos. The modding could wait. Everything could wait, and he uncurled both his hands to shovel a massive armful of burritos into his mouth.

SFM16 was never heard from again.

[parkerparkour]

Santa x leyva x creature
Setting: CFM14, amid prodging

[ShortcutButton]

I have left no stone unturned. These three fated spoilers contain fanfics beyond your wildest dreams. Do note that some of them might not be family appropriate, but all are fine for this forum as long as you're not a nerd or something (sorry Met).

This first spoiler is just random ones I picked up over the past few months or so (Known authors: Cyan, Alzar, Elastoid, parker, myself)
Spoiler:

Alouvre sat, alone, in a library. Nose deep in a book this time. An arcane thriller about a mage with no morals and no boundaries. He left a trail of broken hearts only to eventually be wiped out by his own hand. It was grim, and it was so her. She was about to reach the climax of the story when a familiar voice came up to her in their school dress. "Hey, Swords," she said, slyly putting a bookmark in her place. That could wait. "What brings you here?" She gave a half grin, watching him closely. Trying to relax around her is hard.
For Swords' credit, she took her seat and propped her shoes on the table. Alouvre twitched with nervous tension, noting the lack of care she took around books. "You seem to be on edge, Alouvre. What's wrong?" She replied, with perhaps the slightest trace of sarcasm. "Uh..." She lacked a response to that. She tried to think, but no words came to mind. "... huh. I think I understand perfectly now." Swords' hand ran down Alouvre's school dress, stopping just at her waist. Alouvre gave a nervous shudder. "Interested?" She gave with half a wink and a grin. "Y-yes, please..." Alouvre had never felt like this before. It was... electrifying. Swords leaned in to kiss Alouvre on the lips. "Plenty of time, Alouvre. Plenty of time." Swords gave Alouvre a wink and walked off. Alouvre was left dumbfounded, and bothered.

Cyantic leaned against a bookshelf, with his eyes closed. He had shed his jacket in favor of slightly warmer clothing, specifically a regular shirt. Alouvre was there with him, checking out a few books. "What do you think of this, Cyan?" She tentatively asked, biting her lip. "Is there any sex, drugs, or gambling in it?" He replied. "Not that I can tell." "Ditch it and find something better." Alouvre shook her head, knowing that was to be expected from him. Her hands ran over the leatherbound spines, looking for an interesting tale to read. "How to ship like an utter moron?" She stated outloud, taking a peek inside. The author was some catgirl, probably not worth the effort. She put it back. "I'm not sure why you're drawing this out, Cyantic." She stated, trying to stall for a bit more time. "Seems unnatural," he replied. "Are you going to start quizzing me on this again?" She bit her lip again, a bad habit she picked up from... somewhere, she supposed. "Well, no, I was just... y'know... uhh, well. Yeah. I guess. Fuck." She stated. He rolled his eyes. She knew about his connections to some... less then innocent folk. He made the overture to her, trying to get her to sign up. "Good money, fast friends, and probably better then most jobs in this FM Recession." He stated, trying to sell it to her. She kind of bought it in a way. Maybe just a few more days to think about it. He was nice to talk to, and held her through most of everything. A calming presence. She got up, and dusted her knees off. Despite her knees being covered with her dress, she felt self conscious not to make some sarcastic remark, even only if in body language. Cyan had turned on the radio, playing something pretty nice. He always had a good ear for music, she thought to herself. "What if... I just..." She said, voice barely above a whisper. He didn't notice. She slowly closed the gap between them, and bravely touched lips.

"Cakez-chan, this is pretty interesting." Cyantic strokes alouvre's soft hair, running his fingers through the silky strands as alouvre purrs and lowers his ears in pleasure. Cakez rolls onto his side, batting a mouse toy with one hand and flicking his tail.
"I know, Cyantic-kun." Cakez writhes on the floor, rolling over the assorted cat toys and stretching his back out. "I told you this was a good idea."
"I shouldn't have doubted you, Cakez-chan..." Cyantic, starts, then stops. "Wait. Is alouvre dead?"
Somehow, they had missed that alouvre wasn't purring. That was a mutated death rattle.

Rock was on the ground, trying to work out the puzzles for the VLDR. It was giving him a headache, and eventually set his notes aside, and went outside for a moment or so. He needed some time to relax and get away from... leyva. It would be bad and incest. Yet, there was that draw... leyva was just his type. Leyva was perfect. Rock took a walk to calm down, but the only thing on his mind was his brother. Eventually, he gave up, and hunted down Leyva. He was quickly at work, about to head over to Ringlet's house. "Yeah, what's up Rock?" He called, hoping for the matter to be over quick. "Hey... uh... Leyva, I need to talk to you about something."
"Go on."
"It's uh..."
"... should I break out my watch?"
"Iloveyouleyva!" He cried, quickly rushing to kiss Leyva. Leyva freaked out and ran, leaving Rock on the door to his house. After a few moments, he broke down and gave up. Disappointed, even.

Ringlet waited at the end of the hall, nervously tapping his fingers against the wall. He'd get Cyan this time. For sure. No doubts about it! He seemed pretty proud of his plan, actually, in an ever escalating prank war. He could hear the door open and shut, as Cyan came back from work. He dropped his keys on the counter with a clank and stopped to grab a quick bite to eat before heading into the living room to relax and probably sleep for nine hours or some shit. "And be totally lame!" Ringlet thought to himself, restraining his giggles. He heard Cyan's heavy footsteps in the hallway, signaling his approach. He had eventually passed Ringlet, and Ringlet rushed Cyan, tackling him to the couch. "Woah, what the fuck?" Cyan shouted, before he hit the couch. Ringlet grinned with glee, it worked. The most simplistic plans get them all the time! "I was not prepared with a full out robbery today, Ringlet." Ringlet got off of Cyan, and gave him a hand up. "I think I've won this match, Cyan."
"I suppose you have, Ringlet. I suppose you have."

Iggy glances bashfully at his newest game. He just knew the FM community would love it! Nothing could compare to it. While his brief fling with the council members created sweet sweet empty chronological space in the game threads, he knew, BELIEVED, that he could take it once step further. He gently caressed his mouse over Obi's signups. Hiatus-senpai was calling to him. But first, he had to put the pawns in play. Shitter after shitter filled his "Closed Stalker-Mafia" game, and he knew the time was nearly ripe for hiatus senpai. He breathed heavily, sexually pleasured by the fact that he could hold hiatuses warm, timeless body for two entire weeks. Waiting patiently for the next few days to pass, he finally seizes the opportunity.

"You?" Alzar said, agape.
"Me. Or, you, if you prefer." Alzar replied, looking at the younger Alzar. "I've come from the future to give you a message!"
"Wait, how does that work? If there's some sort of scary future you want to avoid, wouldn't my avoiding it cause you to wink out of existence?" Alzar asked.
"Nah, not really. Anyway, the message I have for you is in my pants." The elder Alzar replied sexfully.
The younger Alzar took a moment to look at his older self. He had put on a few pounds, but other than that, pretty much looked the same, except for the look of desperation and the ugly pedophile mustache. The younger Alzar resolved never to grow a mustache like that.
Suddenly, the older Alzar's mustache vanished. "I know you want this," Alzar said to himself. "I remember this moment well from my past -- I absolutely LOVED it."
The younger Alzar was unconvinced. He decided to watch his weight, as well. Suddenly, the time-travelling Alzar grew fatter. "Damn my lack of willpower!" Alzar lamented.
"Wait. How can you remember this if it hasn't happened yet?" the younger Alzar asked. He was stalling.
"It HAS, though." Alzar replied.
"I'm not doing this."
"But you have to. You already have done it. I remember doing it, and then resolved to go back in time to the moment it happened and enjoy it again. It was a really good day."
"It was?" Alzar felt suspicious. He didn't think he was into dudes.
"Yeah, my asshole was pretty sore the next day though. There are a LOT of time-traveling versions of you on their way today."
This didn't make any sense. "This doesn't make any sense," Alzar replied. "If I refuse to have sex with you, will your memories change, or will you disappear?"
"Dude, I don't know! Let's bang!"
Alzar decided this was what he wanted. "Alright, let's do this."
The elder Alzar cursed. "Oh shit, I forgot a condom."
"Is that a problem?"
"Yeah, this is when you get AIDS. I give it to you."
"How did you get it?" Alzar asked. Maybe he could prevent it.
"I got it from you. Well, from me, when I traveled back in time and fucked me."
That didn't make any sense. Completely violated causality. Oh well.
"Ah, well, I guess I live, right? I'll go get my wig." The younger Alzar was excited. He knew he could have himself inside him without too much discomfort -- he wasn't very big.
"Wait, what wig?"
Alzar returned with his girly wig on. He turned to face Alzar, a slutty look on his face. "I'm ready for you, big boy. Or, I guess, slightly-below-average-but-still-perfectly-respectable boy."
The elder Alzar raised an eyebrow. "This is wrong. I didn't wear a wig."
The younger Alzar: "Is that going to be a problem?"
The elder Alzar: "I guess not. It sorta looks good on me. Keep it. It shouldn't be a problem if this doesn't go EXACTLY the same--"
With that, the timeline broken, the elder Alzar vanished from existence.
"Goddamn" the only remaining Alzar said. "I NEVER get laid in fanfics."

Cyantic swirls his dick martini, a testicle floating in the liquid dick. Taking a long sip of it, he looks out the window. (The window is bricked over from the inside.)

"On days like these," he sighed to no one in particular, despite the fact that he had a small audience, "I don't believe in God." He picks up a dickarette and takes a long drag, smoke curling forth from his lips.

The camera pans up to a dusty shrine. "COWGOD", the faded letters say. Cyantic closes a nearby book and instead picks up a dick thoughtfully, inserting it into his ass just as thoughtfully. He takes a sip from a nearby glass of dick whiskey, which is nothing more than a bloody slurry of real, farm-raised penis and whiskey.

Pan back to the window. The constant shifts in mood make the scene's purpose blurry. Cyantic meanwhile inserts another few dicks into his cavernous ass and adjusts his cravat. (Which is also a penis.)

Pan back over to window, focusing on a specific brick. Reflected in a similarly nonfictional window, is a scene of Cyantic stuffing the shrine to Cowgod into his ass.

cyantic and ronit randomly smooch.

"before we start..." ronit leaned in close, while still smooching cyantic and talking at the smae time. "i'm a jester."

"oh, it cant be that bad." cyantic begins to pull down his own trousers.

"I LIED, I AM ACTUALLY A SERIAL KILLER" ronit said, his trousers flying open while knives fly out of where most people don't expect knives.

"ah, but i expected this ronit. you see, i am the godfather bedding you to make townspeople think that i'm convinced that you're convinced that you're jester and i know that you know that you think you know you are actually serial killer but you think that i dont know." cyantic's pants fly off and guns begins flying out from there.

"ah, but i expected thhis," ronit continues. he opens his mouth and wine spills forth, frothing and filling the room.

"ah, but i saw this coming," cyantic says and begins loosening his tie before he drowns.

">be me" Cow begins. He holds a dick up, letting it dangle from his palm and it squirms fruitlessly and gnashes its teeth in thin air.

"No, no. Stop, that's all wrong." Metrion shakes his head, letting pale sparkles fall free from his hair and settle into the packed dirt beneath. Metrion gently takes the dick with one manicured dick, and flings it out into the ocean, where it lets a desperate howl out before dissolving into dust. "_This_ is how you do it."

"The fuck?" Cow scowls before picking a different dick up from the ground. This one is wider, but with more teeth and fewer tendrils. It thrashes in Cow's grip, and he turns around before letting it fly out into the wilderness. To his surprise, it grows wings and flies into the distance, screeching.

Metrion looks at Cow with a firm look of disapproval before picking up a new dick. "See, this is how-"

Cow falls to the ground, howling with pain. "That-that's MY dick, you idiot!" He screams before suddenly expiring from blood loss.

Metrion blinks and shrugs, casting Cow's squirming dick into the ocean.

"Who is the scummiest person in the game thread, Cakez-chan?"
"It's me, Alzar-kun! I'm the scummiest player! Now post your reads inside me!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Alzar climaxed unorthodox meme after unorthodox meme into Cakez' quintuple-post of useless one-liners.

LordofFail looked up at K1ll's shining blue eyes, but quickly turned away. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't fall in love with- that gamethrower! He would report her to the mods, and get this over with.

But something was off. He just couldn't focus. He needed to think happy thoughts!

LoF thought of dicking 10-year-old Alzars. Yes, that helped him alot. He was feeling much more bliss than looking into K1ll's puppy eyes, begging not to get blacklisted. For the first time since December of 2014 LoF felt this feeling he had long forgotten. What was that? Yes, that was the feeling of power. He held the power over K1ll - or so he thought. He would gain power by turning this despicable creature in.

But his body had other uses for the power. He fought it, but he didn't care. He leaned in to K1ll's lips. Teetering moment. Here he would fall down the mountain one way or the other.

He leaned even closer and kissed K1ll's lips.

And iggy/short/arc fanfics, all made by alzar (the last one was made by Cyan though)
Spoiler:

O-oh, yes! Yes!" Shortcut screamed in ecstasy as he gripped Iggy's hair. "I love it when you don't do anything!"

Iggy's lifeless husk falls to the ground.

"Out of the way, Iggles." Arc flexes his arms, throwing Iggy into the distance. He turns to face Shortcut with a dashing grin on his face, his muscles gleaming in the light.

"Oh, Arc," Short gasped before tearing his panties off and throwing himself at Arc.

"I have a surprise for you," Iggy said as he slipped behind Shortcut and whispered into his ear. A warm hand snaked over to his shoulder, the first contact Iggy had initiated in weeks.

"O-oh?" Shortcut almost let himself hope. Could it be? Was Iggy finally fixing their relationship, letting those bridges heal over? Was that cold space next to Shortcut in bed finally, finally going to be filled once more? "T-tell me more," he said, his tongue thick in his throat.

Iggy winked at him, actually winked for the first time since... well, since they met and started planning their future together. It was a beautiful reminder of those old days. Shortcut's hopes grew firmer... as did something else. "It's a surprise, of course. Put this on and meet me in the bedroom~!" He tossed a bundle of frilly cloth to him.

As Iggy dashed away, humming and practically skipping, Shortcut finally let himself believe again. It was time to open his heart up and learn to love again. Maybe, just maybe, they could put aside all the despair and neglect, and be a couple again, like they were supposed to be when they first met.

Shortcut looked down at the thing Iggy had thrown. It was pink and frilly, and he could feel his cheeks warming up to that same shade of pink. He slipped one leg through one, then the other, and decided that it was good enough, because he didn't know what to do with all these straps and was eager to meet iggy in the bedroom.

He ran as fast as he could, throwing the bedroom door open-

Shortcut stopped. Arcthurus was lying in his bed, a rose clutched between his teeth and his abs glistening with oil in the candlelight. Seeing Shortcut arrive, his eyebrows waggled furiously as he patted the spot next to him in his bed. Shortcut's eyes wandered in confusion. Until... until they landed on a note, posted to the door in Iggy's familiar blue scrawl.

"Hi Short! I don't think I can handle this anymore, so Arc will be your new mod. Sorry for having to leave, but it just wasn't working out between this. I really hope you can have fun modding with Arc as your new cohost. - xxx Iggy"

Tears welled up in Shortcut's eyes, stil flicking from the note to Arcthurus to the silly pink thing he was wearing. Was Iggy just leading him on? Was... was it all just a lie? The love they shared together, the nights where they passionately... modded and embraced?

Shortcut looked back to Arcthurus, whose eyebrows still seductively waggled. Arc patted the side of the bed, and Shortcut mentally sighed before throwing himself onto the bed and losing himself for the entire night.

"T-take me back, Iggy! I-I promise I w-won't be a bad co-mod anymore," Shortcut sobbed on the cold floor. "I-I'll be good, I p-promise-"

He was cut off by the sound of a cracking whip. Shortcut's eyes widened in fear as Arcthurus stepped out of the shadows, a bullwhip in one hand and an empty votecount in the other.

"Iggy won't be coming back," Arcthurus growled as he slipped the votecount on. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

Arc sat on the hard backed chair, admiring his accomplishments. He had organized his games, and would put the final finishing touches in the morning. He, almost carelessly, slid the CFM folder into one of his desk drawers and locked it. He'd never have to do another CFM again, and that was a reason to celebrate.
"Short!" His voice rang clear through the dwelling. "Bring up some wine for me, and get whatever the hell you like now." Mumbling more to himself, "You've already changed your preferences on me five times. Silly, honestly."
Short's reply felt... almost weak to him. A dying croak, and he decided that it was for the best. "Yes, my Lord."
He always felt amused by the fact that he bent people to his wills and ran them until they died. Iggy was an unfortunate, and he had to step in and clean up his affairs. Poorly planned, but sometimes it happened in the business. Met was pissed at him, but Met could go to hell, honestly.
"My Lord, I've brought up drinks..." Short said, gently rapping on Arc's door.
"Enter, servant." Arc noted with great pleasure that he had chosen the Bermuda series of wine, and to accompany, wore his favorite dress. Used to be Iggy's, he thought with a bemused smile. Short sat down, and passed Arc his wine. "An excellent vintage, Bermuda is." Arc casually loosened his tie. He'd be leaving in a hour anyway."
"Of course, my Lord. I picked it especially for you." Short had a dust of rose on his cheeks. Embarrassed, still? Entertaining at least for now, but he didn't have any use for those that didn't bend to his will to the necessary level.
"You know, Short, what do you think you'll do now that this whole event is over and all the shenanigans that come with it?" He said, with a bemused grin. Irrelevant seemed to be the name of the game, but he was alright with that. He wanted some fun.
"I-I... I don't... I don't know, Lord. I was thinking about... working with you for a bit longer? Maybe, if you're acceptable to it?"
"Yes, that sounds like a pleasant idea, Short. I think you'll like it here. You and Invenio, yeah, I can see you guys even as friends. You might even become one of us, one of these days."
"R-really? Thank you, Lord."
"Nah, don't thank me. Obi put a little extra in our allowances due to Iggy's death, and that's why I'm bringing you aboard." He was an experienced liar and a very bored man. This was a poor combination for everyone not him. He took a momentary look at his watch. Ten minutes until his next guest showed up, and his next guest always gave him a wild ride. "Now, Short, I want you to kneel against a wall, close your eyes, and raise your hands. I think it's time for a break." Arc drained the rest of his glass.
"A-as you say!" Short assumed the position.
Arc took his time walking over, debating whether his revolver would do a better job or if he should use his butterfly knife. This was always a thrilling moment for him. He went for the knife in the end, and prepared it for the killing blow. "Hate to cut and run, Short, but I've got guests to entertain." Moments later, Arc answered the door and his guest took a look at the state of his room.
"You've got to hire a janitor to take care of your tendencies, Arc."

These are all simply in my chat with Alzar
Spoiler:

"Just fuck me up," Shortcut says, swaying his lips.
"Okay."
Cow throws Shortcut to the ground and pounds his ass to dust.

"oh, merasmus, take me" shortcut moaned, a blush painted across his cheeks. "it-it hurts, please, merasmus" he whimpered
"certainly," merasmus rumbled, dragging a calloused finger across shortcut's jawline. he gave a wry smile, and didn't do anything else.
shortcut screamed in frustration, his entire body burning. "j-just put it in, merasmus! i- i want it in me!!"
"fine." merasmus then stabbed shortcut

"let me fondle your rumble spheres" merasmus said
"okay" shortcut said and oushed merasmus into her chest
merasmus suffocated

"Hey Merasmus," Shortcut slurred with half-lidded eyes and flushed cheeks, "I'm horny."
"Hi horny, I'm Merasmus."
"That's good to hear," Shortcut said as she leaned into Merasmus' chest. "I'm really, really wet right now."
"In fact," she continued. "I'm really, really wet."
Shortcut stripped off her panties and a shark emerged from her nethers, eating them both.

Shortcut glanced down at his spreadsheets, the cells ticking by as he scrolled. He licked his lips in anticipation as he gazed down lovingly at his beautiful, beautiful spreadsheets. A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, reaching across his desk for another taquito.
He loved his spreadsheets, they had so much information! This person was Mafia, this person had an absolutely awful set of abilities, this person had been replaced twice already and the slot was due for a prod in 3 hours- but no, that wasn’t what he was looking for at the moment. His eyes skimmed past the rows of red and green cells, past the lists and numbers, past the cell detailing what kind of cologne the Mafia Head liked most or what kind of bedsheets his co-mod slept in- there.
Shortcut stifled a lewd giggle. His lips curled in barely suppressed glee. There, tucked away in the corner of his beautiful, beautiful spreadsheet- his ships. All of them, lined up like little toys, stacked as neatly as any professional business would treat its financial records. Every relationship nuance was in order, neatly colour coded with little flags saying when he’d last updated it. Oh, it was hard work, it took long hours, but it was a labour of love.
ItsMeCreature and Silmarils. It was a love fated for the ages; good thing he put them as Lovers at the last moment. Oh, at that sweet, delicious tension, that beautiful codependency, t-that look he imagined on Silmarils’ face as he…
Shortcut’s eyes squeezed closed as an ecstatic expression spread over his face, his pink wet tongue flicking and lapping at the remains of his lukewarm taquito. It wasn’t a particularly good taquito, considering that it was a generic box of a hundred taquitos that had been sitting in his freezer for months- but his ships could make even dirt delicious. A light shudder wracked his body in the afterglow of that pleasant memory.
He shook the dopey grin off his face and went back to modwork. There had to be votecounts for the game to continue, and he certainly wasn’t expecting any help from Iggy. He logged in with his unguessable password (ukelover) and scrolled down to the Forum Mafia section of the forums. Tallying up the votecount, he barely stopped himself from collapsing from pleasure, as he watched the voted tick up and tick down, the beautiful synchrony between the two lovers as they dodged around reads and w-worked together to achieve… achieve their win condition, y-yes…
“OOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
Shortcut threw his head back and let out a loud moan, unable to restrain himself. He could feel all the blood in his body rushing to the one organ that loved the ship the most- his heart, of course. His heart was pounding and his face was red as his mod colour, r-red like RED team red, which was the same red that he imagined Silmarils’ pajamas to be while he snuggled with ItsMeCreature against the (red) brick fireplace…
He bit his lip and reached down, fumbling to find his leg under his desk. He grabbed hold of something hard and bit his lips hard enough to draw blood, whipped it out in blissful relief. His phone had a couple of unread texts, but it was just from Munch trying to stage an intervention again. Nothing to worry about.
Shortcut then continued on to post the shameful, dirty votecount.

[ICECLIMBERS]

[Arcthurus]

this got like 100x times better

[parkerparkour]

Short you missed Cyantic and saltier cyantic
I am sad

[ShortcutButton]

Short you missed Cyantic and saltier cyantic
I am sad

If I don't have it I didn't post it.

[ObiWan]

its exactly 593 words
Spoiler: ObiWan poked the burrito, pressing down with two fingers. It let out the smallest puff of steam, and was pleasantly soft to the touch. He inhaled through his nostrils, breathing deeply in the burrito-fumes. It seemed ready to eat, which was good. He was getting hungry right around now, after a long day of moderating.

It wasn’t too hot, wasn’t too cold. Just the perfect blend of sour cream, rice, beans, and crushed Devil’s Shoestring. Exactly the way he liked it.

He smiled, behind the cover of his full-body sombrero. Dinner time.

Reaching out with one hand that was gnarled by the stress of being the FM Lead Moderator and all that the position entailed, he grabbed it off its plate, leaving deep gouges in the ceramic from his claw-like FM Moderator hands and nails. He lifted up the protective cover of his sombrero, just enough to unveil the slightest sliver of his pulsating body, he opened his mouth as if to yawn. The hinges and bones of his face slid apart like well-greased knucklebone dice, and his gaping maw stretched open even wider, until Obi felt like he could slip the burrito down in a single, efficient gulp.

This is exactly what he did, obviously.

The burrito slipped down into his esophagus in a fluid, unending motion. He didn’t let his teeth even graze it, just let it slide down his throat and let it sit in the first of his many stomachs. ObiWan let the full-body sombrero drop back down, so as to not let the light hurt his FM slime coat, and sat back for a moment.

Next FM thing. Maybe another bastard game, throw in a Serial Killer in the same game as a Bomber with a hidden uninformed doublevote and also add in a Doctor with-

His third stomach rumbled. Empty.

That was no good. He couldn’t just mod bastard games on an empty stomach, that was just unthinkable. It- it would almost be as bad of an idea as making a game where 5 people controlled the lynch and had no ability to communicate with the town!

ObiWan shook his head, the sombrero turning with it. That was a horrible thought indeed, he thought as he plodded back towards the kitchen, already thinking of ideas for his next burrito. Yarrow and unused millstones, maybe.

He stopped in his tracks. The kitchen was filled with burritos, when it hadn’t been before. Even stranger, they were all his favourites- raw silica, muskrat, thyroid glands. Obi could feel his mouth watering already. SFM16 could wait for this, just this, and he lifted his sombrero to stretch out his mouth and suck half a dozen burritos down his gullet and into his waiting digestive fluids. He picked one up as he swallowed the last of it down. The burrito was warm and soft, just like the one from earlier.

Obi gulped that one down as well.

The burritos were already churning into dust in his stomach. He picked up another one, this one soggy and squirming and squealing with something that almost sounded like a voice.

Wellwater, yew, and granite. He looked on appraisingly, licking his lips and smearing them in his toxic saliva, and slid the burrito into his mouth, letting it squirm all the way down.

Maybe… maybe Obi could stay here forever, and just do nothing but eat burritos. The modding could wait. Everything could wait, and he uncurled both his hands to shovel a massive armful of burritos into his mouth.

SFM16 was never heard from again.

10/10. Would burrito again.

[SirCakez]

Lessmore Cakez catgirl fics pls

[Alzar]

"Of course, Cakez-chan." Alzar laughed before scratching SirCakez between his cat ears. "No more catgirl fics, okay?"

[parkerparkour]

Short you missed Cyantic and saltier cyantic
I am sad

If I don't have it I didn't post it.

qq
[space reserved for fanfic]

[leyva45]

parker x creature x similaris

[parkerparkour]

parker x creature x similaris

how dare you
(nice waifu theme)