Nellyfox wrote:Villik grabs a glass and fills it with water.
Hawkwing425 wrote:Villik sighs and takes a drink.
I needed this, alright. Hey, you should get some water, too.
Cyantic wrote:Should I..? I... okay.
Nellyfox wrote:Verochka also gets a glass and fills it with water.
Nellyfox wrote:Verochka drinks.
Hawkwing425 wrote:It's healthy. Not enough people stay hydrated.
Cyantic wrote:I suppose so. I don't... really know. Um. Do you want to talk about what happened in the lounge? Those negative memories..? Emotions? Whatever they were? I did close the case afterwards...
Hawkwing425 wrote:I'm afraid I don't exactly understand. I think I felt it because Scientist Villik is still around, and still... in my head, even if they aren't trying to do anything. I'm pretty sure it was their memories and emotions.
Villik smiles a smile that doesn't reach their eyes.
I wouldn't ever be able to know for sure. This experiencing of life that I have... it can get awfully troublesome when trying to understand it fully. And I haven't even been around that long... well. Kind of. Maybe.
Cyantic wrote:I see, I think. And I was able to open it because Verochka, the scientist, is dead. She's gone... I suppose that makes sense. It's more than a little morbid, but it makes sense. I wonder why? There wasn't anything that notable in there, nothing that specifically makes you think that something bad happened.
I suppose that means nobody here would be up for a game... oh well.
Hawkwing425 wrote:Perhaps it has to do with Kiba. That's what the letter said: "For Kiba!"
And Foster cried before, last Roaming, when SAV brought up their second vision... I'm pretty sure that figure with the white hair and blue eyes is Kiba. Perhaps it's just leftover pain that SV felt when Kiba lost his memory. Perhaps the two played video games together, and those games remind SV of Kiba. I don't know.
Cyantic wrote:Well, I suppose that would make sense. Apparently Foster and Kiba were dating. I wonder if that was what set him off, in the letter? Feeling some serious attachment to Kiba, feeling reasonably upset that Kiba's now gone.
Hawkwing425 wrote:I suppose Kiba must have been someone that all the scientists liked. That kind of person, who manages to charm everyone they meet...
Villik downs the rest of their glass of water, placing the cup on the counter. Then, they go to check out what's in the fridge.
Nellyfox wrote:Villik opens up the fridge to find the typical findings in a fridge.
Cyantic wrote:I don't think so - it seemed that scientist Verochka hated him. At least from the few comments she made.
Hawkwing425 wrote:Hm... well, now, I'm lacking an appetite. Shame.
Villik closes the fridge and returns to where they were standing next to their companion.
I'm not exactly certain how SV felt about Kiba... I'll see if I can focus on it.
Cyantic wrote:I suppose I can't provide any more details now, but it seemed that Verochka was angry at Kiba stealing 'Foster' away. Which makes very little sense to me, considering the other rarely cared about other people being in committed relationships, and if spurned, would just find someone else. She must've changed a lot.
Hawkwing425 wrote:I think... I think SV and Kiba were... friends. I feel warm.
Cyantic wrote:Wait, really? That... doesn't paint a very good picture... just overall. Maybe the scientist you was a little bit more... immoral. Or careless?
Hawkwing425 wrote:Careless, certainly. You'd have to be to agree to this experiment with such enthusiasm. Naivety can lead one to be friends with very... dangerous people.
I know that the feelings I get when I think about Kiba are less strong than those for Fieras, though. Maybe it's because only SV knew Kiba...?
Cyantic wrote:It's very likely. And I mean... I don't know, maybe this is just me... but how good of friends were you if you still went through with an experiment that destroyed Kiba?
Hawkwing425 wrote:I really don't know. But the warmth tells me something I can't ignore. Call it a gut feeling. There was some kind of platonic bond.
Cyantic wrote:I... see. I'm just glad you are not the SV. They don't sound very... caring. You know? I'm glad you do.
Hawkwing425 wrote:No, SV seemed to care at least a little bit, in a very flawed way. In the letter, they asked me to "make sure everyone is okay and escapes together". They did follow that by saying "For Kiba", but...
Yeah, I can't wrap my head around their mindset. Not without knowing all of their motivations. Why they would go along with this experiment... any of this.
Cyantic wrote:Perhaps it is only from regret. I really can't square this idea that they did care with what we've seen. Kind of... scarily flippant... you know? And... I don't know. I don't even know. Was that everyone but myself, irreverent to the danger, apathetic? It's more than a little scary....
I guess they're not like that, now. But it's so easy to see it, you know? Verochka... I get, in shades. The scientist didn't care. And Arvin's doesn't seem like it either. But Foster and you? Ariadne... I can see that fanaticism boiling over into something evil. Something as evil as this. That makes sense to me.
And Ted's always had a dangerous edge, but... this doesn't feel right for him either. How much of you guys are still scientist?
Hawkwing425 wrote:The only time SV mentioned the Renegade... I think that was them, but I can’t be sure the voice in the void was them at first. They just said the same thing everyone heard- to keep the Renegade in SAV’s... my? I’m not sure when the switch between us was, exactly. But... I think that first line was just part of the simulation. Programmed. And then SV started talking.
Verochka, Arvin, I can understand them as scientists. Foster could have just been blindly and madly in love. Ariadne... I think she latched on to this as a coping mechanism for her rough past.
I don’t understand SV. There’s such a change between SV and SAV. What could have happened?
Fieras...?
Cyantic wrote:Yeah. What could have happened? Verochka changed - the two are hardly similar. They have a few similar attitudes... but that's where the line ends. If the scientist cared so much for one person, that would be so alien to the worker. You know?
I guess I keep coming back to that, but you know... I don't get it. Everything feels so odd to me. So much changed, hadn't it? I can believe it, but I don't know why. And I don't really know to know why either. I'm well...
I guess I should figure out what the hell I am. I think. I mean, there's parts I don't mind. Female seems good enough to me. And Verochka's... tastes... seem fine to me as well. I think I still like music, but I can't really test that out. I don't have a name and I'm not interested in putting on Verochka's mask and keep going. I don't think that would be me - it would just flounder. It'd be easier, though...
Hawkwing425 wrote:You don’t have to be Verochka if you’re not Verochka. It’s so hard to fake being someone else, especially when that person isn’t even around to help. I guess... finding a name for yourself is a good first step into forging your own identity. Instead of feeling like you have to be one of the Verochkas... you can be someone you want to be. Of course, then you have to figure THAT out. And...
Before the letter, I was mimicking SAV, in a way. I hadn’t adjusted to being someone different, and everything felt so... soft around the edges. Unclear and dizzy. So, while I acknowledged that something had changed, I wasn’t really doing anything useful because everything felt so alien. If it didn’t, I would have done a better job protecting Fury... but I felt sluggish, in a way. You know when you’re half asleep and it takes a moment for your limbs to work as you try to wake up? That’s what it felt like.
When I read the letter and fully accepted that Scientist Villik both existed and was with the other Villiks, the world seemed to sharpen. It hurt, but I felt like I could think clearly for the first time. I’m not any of the other Villiks. I’m me. The aftermath of what happened in that void, but still important as a person. So... now I’m starting to piece together who I am, the base of my identity, and I should start pinpointing my opinions. Where I stand on everything. What I’m going to do. I keep saying I want to find Fieras, but what then? After that, I don’t know.
Cyantic wrote:I don't think anyone's to blame for Fury, other than Fury. What Fury did was... not exactly in the best interests of an innocent being. You can't hold yourself accountable, you know? I didn't get that part of Verochka - the part that thought no animal from the tiniest to the largest could do any harm. Or that it would unconditionally love her. That seems... understandable, but it's so hard to think of what you are. What you should be.
I don't know. In some ways, I feel like I'm being railroaded into one thing... in a way I'm not sure I can explain. Like I can't just be myself - I have to juggle something, keep talking about Verochka... almost. I don't even know if I have a name anywhere. If that makes sense.
I've thought about something simple, or minor. V? I? Maybe get away from all that. T? The number on my bracelet? Ten? The colour? Cyan? I don't know, honestly. The opposite of violet? Amber? Apri? Meri? I don't know. They're not names, but neither is Verochka or Vera anymore.
Hawkwing425 wrote:Emilio... didn't have to hit her like that. But... I don't really know Emilio. Do any of us? Has Emilio even talked about his past? He even ripped up his letter. I don't understand him at all. His motivations... he wants to survive, yes, but what else? He's allied in both Ambidex Games alongside everyone else, but he also was willing to kill you when you were unlikely to kill him, and he doesn't seem to have a goal beyond survival. The man's a mystery... most of us are.
You don't need to be the opposite of the Verochkas. You could be, but you don't have to be. Is your intuition saying anything about it? All of us Villiks... I think most of the Villiks were very intuitive, at least. So... maybe if you have an internal guiding force, since both the Verochkas are gone... I don't know where I'm going with this. With so many options for a name, I'd understand indecisiveness. I guess, take your time? Do what you think is right? Or something like that. I don't have the best answer here.
Cyantic wrote:Kill me? In a round about way... I suppose. A ripple that wouldn't have happened otherwise... it feels... weird. Imagine how much of an edge case this must be. The probability that I even come around as a result of this.
...
Oh. Um. I mean, he's a mystery, I suppose. But we know more about him than Bokke, for example. I don't know. I have no strong feelings for the man.
As for the opposite... I don't know, it might help to contrast, a bit. Not really... opposite, I guess. A complimentary, a pairing, I'm not Vera. But I have a bit of her blood, still. Orange is the complimentary colour of violet. Apri... Apri...
I don't have intuition. In some ways, it feels... so silent. It's just me, no bickering, no anything, just keeping tabs on this 'Spectrum' now. That's the only thing now. Before... I wasn't even there, I think, but I could like hear the fighting, the feuding. It wasn't so bad to begin with, but they started to get worse and worse as things continued. Scientist was mad at Foster, I think, so the Worker tried to keep that coherent, even if it wasn't. And then the Scientist wanted to save Fury, so it fell on the Worker to do it... until she got fed up. She ignored, she kept building to something, and it happened, like she was trying to forcibly purge the Scientist.
And then the third puzzle happened and it all fell apart. It's now very quiet in comparison to that. Just numbers. I don't know if there's something that's supposed to be there and I'm broken.. or...
Hawkwing425 wrote:Bokke's on a whole 'nother planet compared to us, sometimes. Who knows what's going on in his head?
I thought yellow was the complimentary to violet. I mean, orange and violet go nicely together, too.
Heh... your head being so quiet. I envy it. It's loud in here. No yelling or anything, but just a series of quiet murmurs, all happening at once. And- and that's not to say I'm hearing voices! Just... thoughts. Lots of thoughts. Speculating, mostly. Wondering what's going on. Trying to decipher everything. Though... that makes sense, that I'd be... um, compared to how SAV was, I'm definitely not nearly as mentally stable, I don't think. I don't think most people view their past selves as sentient and constantly watching them. The idea feels more than a little delusional, but I can't explain it or perceive it any better.
Hm, I might actually start calling SAV Geologist Villik. GV. To distinguish some more from Scientist Villik, SV. So that makes KV, TV, RAV- may as well just say RV-, GV, and SV. Does any of this make sense? It all feels a little crazy, but if there's some labels attached to everything, it might connect together a little more. I hope. I'll let myself be driven by my desire to understand it all for now. Try to figure it all out.
Cyantic wrote:Somewhat - I've heard it as purple goes with yellow, violet with orange... or well, an orange-yellow.
I'm sorry. That doesn't sound like any fun. I guess silence can be a virtue... it's just odd. Going from the non-stop arguing, bickering, fighting to... nothing. I wonder if that's happening to anyone else, actually. Maybe I'm fortunate in that there's no past for me - nothing clinging onto me anymore. It hardly breeds mental stability, after all. But I am sorry. I hope talking at least helps a bit.
It makes sense to me. I understand. I'm not nearly as fractured as you are - but I have to keep defining by worker and scientist which is... clumsy. Finding better terminology in your case seems like the most important step. Helping communicate.
As for understanding... I just wish there was more to understand. There doesn't feel like there's anything here. A faked suicide, a gun that nearly gets me killed for no reason, a lounge that has a vaguely bad feel to it... It doesn't add up to anything. I was hoping there'd be something, but there's really just nothing. It doesn't add new questions, it doesn't answer old ones, it just... is. You know? If there was something we were meant to take away from this, I can't think of it.
Hawkwing425 wrote:It's not fun, but it's not too unpleasant. More confusing than anything, since... I think all of the Villiks... they don't exactly interact with each other, but I don't feel like any of them hate each other? They don't argue; they just exist, and are satisfied with how far they got. Maybe each one has regrets, but they don't care to try and steal control from me now. KV wishes that they could have trusted certain things less, TV wishes they weren't so much of an aimless pushover, RV wishes they'd taken more time to properly thank Fieras for her help, GV wishes that they made so many different choices during this experiment, and SV... well. You know.
I think I get it. We just don't have enough information as it is to figure out WHY. That's the big question, isn't it? Why all of this happened, why certain parts of it happened the way they did... and maybe Vera was right when she said it all might've just been the product of insanity. Was that Vera who said it? I think it was...
Cyantic wrote:I see. That sounds positive, at least. They're all working together a bit. That's... a bit of an alien feeling to me.
I think so. The worker said a lot of things, deconstructed it a bit. She attacked the experiment in the third puzzle - that's what caused the illusion to 'break', although I think both knew all along, and were just... playing along.
She talked about the fact that the most basic conceit of the idea was false - you had so many people with terrible backgrounds who weren't evil. There was no one who actually was, except perhaps the scientist. And even she wasn't able to do any damage. It's not a ringing endorsement for the spectrum.
Then she talked about the fact that this was impossible to die in - the coincidences, the miracles, the missing laser gun chip, the voting... it makes sense, in a way. It's an illusion. But people still died.
Vera concluded that Com was the imposter - the one who could copy abilities, use them to manipulate the right chess pieces to ensure this. And I guess Com failed.
At the end of that, maybe she was right. It was built in an insane, incoherent manner, cobbled together from nothing. There's no 'why' because the concept of 'why' only makes sense for people who are sane. There's some Renegade mythos, this idea that you can 'fix' someone's Spectrum forcibly, but there's nothing else there. There's no unifying thread or understanding. Why fake a suicide? Why do any of this? There's not any science. It's a religious monument but... the religion isn't even clear. Even if it was, walking away with less faith than you started with... is that the goal? I have no idea.
There's no answers. And it's starting to feel like there never will be. People died for unclear reasons, people were scared from unclear reasons, and we'll leave without knowing anything. It's... depressing when you lay it out like that, but... that's what it is. I don't think there's any answers here. I guess we could ask Com some things. Might not tell us, but... that's it for investigation.
Hawkwing425 wrote:That makes it a waiting game. We wait until the Ambidex game, hope that everyone chooses to ally again, and then hopefully, everyone leaves without trouble.
I... I really don't know if everyone's going to ally after all of this. I mean, you and I are completely different people now, and that's a change that happened BEFORE we found our letters. Look how badly Foster took his. It- I'm not going to try to cling on to the idea that everyone can trust each other. That was GV's deal.
Trying to enforce cooperation... I would like everyone to make it out, yes, but I'd rather recognize that some of us are going to have bad blood with each other. It's better to realize the truth of it instead of trying to impose one's reality onto a bunch of people who just really don't want to be here... in my opinion. Then again, GV was losing it pretty hard during this whole experiment; otherwise, I wouldn't even exist. It makes sense that they'd want to cling to the things that matter to them while under stress.
Cyantic wrote:I don't know. I'm not entirely sure you can vote betray... I might be wrong, however. I don't want to find out. I don't know what I should think or do about escaping or trust or anything. I'm just... me. I'm going to vote ally, naturally, but I can't really think what other people would do. And if I don't know... I don't really want to think about it.
I'd like to see everyone escape, I suppose. I don't know if that can happen. We've come this far and we might go no farther.
Hawkwing425 wrote:There isn't a logical reason to betray. An ally or a betray will get you enough points- to betray simply means to hinder someone else. And to make everyone else mad at you. Someone who betrays must really hate the other side. I hope everyone else recognizes this, but they may not.
If I recall correctly, the pairings are you and Paisley with Foster and Bokke, Emilio and Plate with Ariadne and myself, and Wolfgang and Jana with Arvin and Ted. I'm a little worried about Foster and Emilio, but everyone else seems like they'll ally. I'll talk personally with Emilio, since I want to clear up some things with him, anyways.
Cyantic wrote:Foster... I'm not sure anyone can talk to him. He seems inconsolable.
Hawkwing425 wrote:He might just need time. As for Emilio, I'm just worried I've pissed him off. He might have taken my earlier actions- when I was trying to pretty much be GV- the wrong way. I don't know for certain, but it's better to simply explain everything anyways.
Cyantic wrote:I see. I don't know if I can do anything for him. I don't know if there's anything I should do for him.
...
"In this terrifying world of violence and fear, all we have are the connections we make." I wonder how that ended for them... I wonder how much Foster meant to Kiba. I wonder how much Kiba meant to Foster.
I'm sorry for him, in a way. But I don't know if I can help him.
Hawkwing425 wrote:I think Foster's been hurting since the very beginning. This is just stress layered upon stress, isn't it? Like how it was with GV. At least GV broke in a... less destructive way. I think. Foster's the type to lash out at people, to shove them away because he doesn't want to seem weak. Any slight disagreement with him, any hint of disdain for him, and he reacts with harshness and hostility, even if it's not always expressed as yelling and bitterness. Unfortunately, because he tries to shove everyone away, except maybe Ariadne, he's not getting the emotional support he needs. That's how I see it, anyways.
It might be better if we handle our own issues before his. That sounds selfish, but... it's going to be a lot of hard work to try and reach out to Foster with how much he resists it, and the two of us need to channel our energy into addressing the lingering issues we have that may sap our abilities to help anyone at all. I mean, look at us. We just went through... a lot. We may as well take the time to rest and get our heads in order before the last Ambidex Game... unless you have anything else in mind.
Cyantic wrote:It's... well.
It's strange. The more I talk to you, the more bits I remember of the conversation. I think I can remember the entire argument, the specific part that caused the splintering. It's... certainly... a little upsetting to think about. I knew what it was about, but now I remember the details. Slowly and slowly, and now I think I just realised I know every bit.
I don't like it.
Hawkwing425 wrote:Villik puts a hand on their companion's shoulder. It's odd to say "companion", but... this isn't Verochka, or Vera, or Violet, anymore. So I'll just go with that.
Maybe it's because of how much you're thinking and talking about the two Verochkas. That's partly what this whole conversation's been about. Our individual mental states. You're still reeling from the deaths of the Verochkas, and I'm still reeling from having been split into six. Or... well, having my memories split into six...?
Now Villik looks uncertain. Unease is a good word for this whole situation.
I don't really understand. To not be the other Villiks, but to still have access to their emotions and memories... to feel like they're sentient, while also being aware that they're only a creation of my mind... to consider myself delusional, but to not be able to see my mind in any other way. I'm different from them, but they're also... they're not exactly other personalities- there's traits that we all share. I believe I'm my own self, I think... but there's always going to be uncertainty. It's exhausting to be a skeptic, but sometimes, one can't help who they are.
Either way, professional therapy would be great for both of us.
Cyantic wrote:Yeah... I don't know. I feel too odd to be standard for any therapy, too edge case to be taken seriously, a little bit. It's just... when I think about it, it's just this strong hit of emotions. Like I'm there. But I know, I know what's going on, I'm watching two people right before they die.
She painfully smiles at Villik.
Stressful, in a word. I don't know why it came back. Maybe if I just ignore it... I'll forget again. I don't think you're delusional, this place is... too odd, too surreal, too insane to make anyone delusional from it. It's funny, thinking back.
"I love you. I hate you. Can you destroy me? Can I destroy you?"
Tried to reconcile before that. Asking who the scientist wanted to sleep with, like that was the beginning and end of problems. It was the first, I guess.
Hawkwing425 wrote:Hm... maybe I'm just too busy comparing myself to a reality, outside of this place, that I don't even remember as myself. Of course I wouldn't be sane by their standards- I was made in this place. I'm the result of the experiment. But... I have enough memories from the other Villiks to hopefully integrate in once I get out... if I get out. Can't be certain yet. Can't be certain of anything here.
Villik's gaze drops to the floor.
It's really a mess. I don't know if we're better or worse for it. I'd say... worse for me, better for you. Or... well, worse for Villik as a whole. And both cases are really just bittersweet, huh? Because we're both aware of what's going on, at least. I'm not exactly a danger to myself or anyone else. And you're not having the arguing tear you apart anymore because the Verochkas are gone. But, at the same time, look at us. Exhausted, traumatized, sick of all of this...
Does that make sense?
Cyantic wrote:We've got to keep our little click clicking at 130 B.P.M., it's not too slow...
If we got to burn out, let's do it together
Let's all melt down together.
Verochka had that song on tape. Listened to it a lot. It's okay, I think. If we're going to be a disaster, we can at least do it together. We're part of this... and the trauma always will be, but I don't think we have to be. I hope not. It's a shame nothing in this place ever went well. For all the trust and faith we were supposed to have... we sure have ended up with none of it.
I don't know how odd that is - we never had anything to trust or believe in. And we got this far in spite of it. Something to be said about being human. You can sure end up in a situation in which you don't trust anyone, won't ever see anyone again, and keep working together anyway. If this was meant to model something, then I hope it was not anything important.
As long as nothing goes wrong... well. I don't know where I'm going, but I'll stay by you if you want me too. Just have to keep going, right? Got to keep going with these splinters, this exhaustion, and maybe the sun'll come up tomorrow? If it doesn't... then I've got enough bitter resolve and spite from Vera to keep going anyway. Too much, perhaps. But that's a part I liked, that unconquerable spirit. And it's now mine.
Hawkwing425 wrote:...together... I could work with that.
Villik falls silent. Contemplative. They drop their hand from her shoulder and move a little closer, almost touching, side by side.
Cyantic wrote:Together, then.
She smiles.
Better than apart.