gramar explaned

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gramar explaned

Postby Shilster » Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:55 am



This is not a badger's mustache, or an excessively ugly pelican, It's an apostrophe. The king of punctuation and boy, is it being misused on a regular basis. Sometimes, apostrophes makes stuff possessive. Like if Tom has say, significant doubts about that last gram of bath salts, the doubts belong to Tom, right? So those are Tom's significant doubts about that last gram of bath salts, and we give Tom an apostrophe. If the noun already ends with an 's' like Dolores, and Dolores has say, some reservations about huffing a third can of Lemon Drizzle colored Dulux paint, then, the apostrophe goes after the 's' to make it possessive. So, Dolores' reservations about huffing a third can of Lemon Drizzle colored Dulux paint.

Apostrophes are also used for contractions, like it's, which is just a shortened version of 'it is'. You don't need an apostrophe to make it possessive. For example, if the cat shredded important financial documents, then that's 'its mistake'. If we give it an apostrophe, it makes it short for 'it is', and the sentence is 'it is mistake', which is non-english.





Boy, commas are also tired of being messed around. "Let's eat, kids!" which is a healthy exclamation while dining, as opposed to "Let's eat kids!", stating rather explicitly, you are, in fact, a cannibal. However, commas can't just be cast in any old role, though. They aren't fucking Matthew McCommahey. And throwing in, willy-nilly commas will lead, to a fractured, sentence.

Myself, I am on Team Oxford Comma. An Oxford Comma is the optional (but not really optional) comma one uses in a list. Here's an example: "Let me introduce you to my wife, my best friend, (oxford comma) and my sister." Sounds reasonable enough, doesn't it? If you don't use the Oxford Comma, instead you get: "Let me introduce you to my wife, my best friend and my sister." So yeah, good luck with that you Targaryen freak. Moving on.





Hey, who's this little chap? It's a semicolon, the pretentious farquhar of grammar. But it's not! It's awesome and here's why and shut up. Semicolon are tip-top for joining two ideas that have equal weights. For example: "Semicolons are useful; They also desperately scream, I'm a university graduate." It can also link two clauses that stand alone. Such as: "I appear to have trapped my junk in a filing cabinet; I might not be joining you for mojitos."



We should probably all talk about confused pronouns. "After putting the cat in the car, Rebecca drove it home." Oh, I see. Cats are now drivable, are they? How big is said cat? How does one operate said cat? Mine doesn't even acknowledge my existence, let alone double up as a mode of fucking transport.



Imaginary Plural Possessives.
"Hey, what's you guyses thoughts about that?" We have no thoughts about that, because that, is a grammatical abomination.

"I made a 360 degree change." Yeah, okay. Let's just visualize that one. In your previous life you were, say, kidnapping dalmatians, and turning them into burgers, but after some consideration you developed a conscience and executed a full 360 degree change and that's a circle, you're still making dog burgers, Jesus Christ. "I made a one hundred and eighty degree change."

"I could care less." Which means, presumably, you do still care, and you have a lot more not-caring to get done, so that's great, but it doesn't really communicate anything. "I couldn't care less."

"First come, first serve." Wrong. "First come, first served." It has to be served, otherwise that would mean the first people to enter the restaurant would unexpectedly find themselves working there.


Affect and Effect.
Usually, people mean the verb affect with an 'a' because it means to influence something, like, "Your face is affecting my peace of mind."
To effect is to bring something around, like, "After seeing your face, the government effected drastic legislative changes."


I.e. versus E.g.
E.g. is for examples, like, "Drugs are bad for you; e.g. heroin, cocaine, Stellaris, et cetera."
I.e. is used for clarification. "Drugs are bad for you; I.e. you sit down to play a spot of Stellaris over lunch, and suddenly a decade has passed and you're now thirty-eight. And you still haven't got up to pee, and it's not even the middle of the fucking game yet.


Their, they're, and there. Hm... This one is easy enough.
Well, 'their' is possessive. If a troop of leprechauns is closing in on your position with laser guided fusion powered sniper rifles, then that's 'their' assault party. If it helps, a good trick to remember is that 'their' is spelt like that because it's right.
If we're using the contraction of 'they are' though, such as the leprechaun assault team is here, and 'they're' going to go full Jules Winnfield when they get inside the house, we use the ''re' form. Because again, it's a contraction of 'they are'.
And if we're using the preposition, such as, "Shit, I lost the assault leprechauns, where are they? Oh, just crouching sinisterly behind the wheely bin over there.", then it's 'ere'.


And finally, if you're curious, then your interest is 'Piqued', if you say something nice, it's a 'compliment', but if it brightens someone's day, then it 'complemented' it, and if someone insists on breaking the above rules, despite knowing exactly how they work, well, fair enough. After all, it's their language too, right? No! You're not allowed to freestyle with traffic laws! Or Mathhhhhhh, so why language? Need I remind you that political tensions are running high? That a global pandemic could spring up at any time? That the bees are rather poorly at present and we don't know why? We're balancing on the bloody existential cliff edge here, so with all that in mind, just,

fucking

'I' before 'E' except after 'C'
Last edited by Shilster on Sun Jan 07, 2018 1:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Alicitzen » Sat Jan 06, 2018 3:32 pm

Is the joke the typos in the title?
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Arcthurus » Sat Jan 06, 2018 4:59 pm

Shilster wrote:'I' before 'E' except after 'C'


weird


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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Jezz92 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:02 pm

Why
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby HereThereEverywhere » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:06 pm

The joke is that someone wasted their time making this
canadian joker says a lot aboot society

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Alicitzen » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:14 pm

Arcthurus wrote:
Shilster wrote:'I' before 'E' except after 'C'


weird

agreeing
albeit
Alzheimer's
ancient
atheism
beige
Beijing
being
caffeine
codeine
concierge
deice
deicide
deify
deign
deindustrialize
deity
disagreeing
dreeing
dreidel
efficiency
efficient
eigen-
eight
either
Fahrenheit
fancier
feign
feint
feisty
financier
foreign
foreseeing
forfeit
freight
geitost
gesundheit
glacier
gneiss
heifer
height
heinous
heir
heist
herein
inveigle
kaleidoscope
keister
lei
leisure
madeira
meiosis
neigh
neighbor
neighbour
neither
obeisance
onomatopoeia
peine
policies
poltergeist
protein
reify
reign
reignite
reimburse
rein
reindeer
reindustrialize
reinstall
reinvest
reisolate
reissue
scarabaeid
schlockmeister
science
seeing
seignorial
seine
seismic
seize
sensei
sheik
skein
sleigh
sleight
sovereign
species
stein
surfeit
surveillance
their
theism
therein
veil
vein
weigh
weighing
weighings
weighs
weight
weir
weird
wherein
whereinto
xanthein
zeitgeist
zootheism



are a few examples also
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby HereThereEverywhere » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:15 pm

Well there goes my post
canadian joker says a lot aboot society

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby HereThereEverywhere » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:16 pm

And the rest still do
canadian joker says a lot aboot society

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Alicitzen » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:16 pm

TeamMystic wrote:Some of those don't count because they're combined words

Not according to wikipedia.
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Alicitzen » Sat Jan 06, 2018 5:17 pm



also I love QI
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby destawaits » Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:24 am

+rep

The people need to be educated.

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby lemonader666 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:08 am

Shut your up

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Shilster » Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:08 am

lemonader666 wrote:Shut your up

I don't have an up
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby JoltikIsDubby » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:24 am

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby EvanManManMan » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:38 am

The rumor come out. Does Bruno Mars is gay?
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby lemonader666 » Fri Jan 26, 2018 6:57 pm

https://youtu.be/31TlPuobyhQ
You fucking cheeky bastard

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby K1llthestory » Fri Jan 26, 2018 6:59 pm

joke was ruined by use of capitalization
Flow 2018 - Heroes only.

what are the 7 words to say?
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby lemonader666 » Fri Jan 26, 2018 7:00 pm

K1llthestory wrote:joke was ruined by use of capitalization

What

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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Shilster » Fri Jan 26, 2018 11:15 pm

lemonader666 wrote:https://youtu.be/31TlPuobyhQ
You fucking cheeky bastard

no u
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Multiuniverse » Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:55 am

K1llthestory wrote:joke was ruined by use of capitalism

Thanks parker for the gif and SuperDuper for suggesting rotational sig
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Shilster » Sun Aug 29, 2021 12:02 am

Shilster wrote:That a global pandemic could spring up at any time?

this aged quite well
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby Descender » Sun Aug 29, 2021 7:08 am

Shilster wrote:
Shilster wrote:That a global pandemic could spring up at any time?

this aged quite well

as everyone has pointed out in exurb1a's comment section for quite a while
he mentioned that possibility a few times, oddly enough
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby CheezePie » Mon Sep 06, 2021 10:09 am

impressiv
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Re: gramar explaned

Postby StlnSP » Tue Sep 07, 2021 5:22 am

I wonder if post malone used his bunker considering this is the closest thing to an apocalypse that we can survive.
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